im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
