Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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