I'd wear matching sweaters with you
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
