Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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