Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
