so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
