Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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