we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
