I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the day after is always just damage control
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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