I want to make a zoo with you.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
