I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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