Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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