finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
