i think i have two assholes
where does the pee come out of this thing
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
