awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
