I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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