It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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