Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
