Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
