I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
