im drinking this country out of the recession.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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