But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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