i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is Oprah even human
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
