If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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