She said her name was "party"
my sisters under your porch take her home
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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