someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
