i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
