She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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