since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize