i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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