im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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