ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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