Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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