Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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