But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
