Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize