If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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