I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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