Im at strip club and am horny
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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