I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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