Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
