i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
