he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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