Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
