"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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