I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
