I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
