im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
