Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
