I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
