i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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