i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
