yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
