i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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