it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
