Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize