Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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