Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
