I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize