you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
