i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
