Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
