too bad you live with your parents still
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
