Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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